So... I haven't written a lot lately. 

Obviously. 

The truth is, I've been feeling a little sad. Maybe because I haven't been writing, or maybe I haven't been writing because I've been sad {chicken? egg?}. Who knows really. 

But life is just like that sometimes, I suppose. Some days you keep spilling your cereal & even Facebook thinks you don't have any friends. Sometimes life is a mess & so are you. 

And sometimes you're standing in a hot shower after a long day & an even longer week, looking down at all the hair accumulating in the drain {because what else do you do standing in the shower by yourself while listening to Christmas music}, & you remember that...

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

Don't be afraid; you are worth more then many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

And you think about all those "guess how many jellybeans are in the jar" games you've played over the years and how much you SUCK at that kind of thing and never come close to the actual number contained inside, thus losing the contest. Every. Time. 

And it's the same problem: you always largely underestimate the sheer number of little tiny beans crammed into the jar. And some poor sap had to count them all to begin with, and probably count them again, just to make sure. They have to know. Because someone {not you} will guess a large, obscure number ending in an odd digit and somehow be right on the money, so the count has to be correct down to the very last bean. 

And you look at all that hair in the drain & realize if you had to guess how many were there that you would undoubtably lose, because there's surely more hair down there then you would think. 

And then the crazy thought hits you that God must know. He would have to. Because if he knows the number of hairs on my head, he must keep a current count. He knows how many there are now & how many I've lost along the way. Today. Yesterday. My entire life. 

And God doesn't even have to guess. He knows. 

He knows.

He doesn't have to estimate. Or hypothesize. 

He knows.

He doesn't underestimate. Or miscalculate. Or mess up.

He just knows.

And the God of the universe, who knows the number of hairs in my drain and the number still on my head, says DON'T BE AFRAID.

I've got this.

I've got you. 

I can handle it. 

I know. 

You don't need to try to guess correctly, because I already know. I've always known. 

Don't be afraid; you are worth more...