How Would the Day Look Different If Your Primary Goal Was to LOVE?




By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35


How would your life look different if your primary goal for the day, from the moment your feet hit the ground in the morning, was to truly love others?


Have you ever stopped to think about that?

I sat at my computer pondering the Romans 12 series we had just finished at church, and this question came to mind. I added it to the list for the small group discussion that week. As I finished typing the words onto the page, my pride was impressed by myself. Well. That's a really good question. That should lead to some good discussion and hopefully a change in perspective. At the same time, my selfishness was incredibly glad I was doing childcare and wouldn't have to flesh out said deep question out loud. With a group.

Because let's face it, hiding in your sin is much easier. To sit behind a computer screen and ask the hard questions instead of looking someone in the eye and talking about the deep things of life. Asking the questions is easier then struggling with them and learning to live them. I didn't want to answer the question, because I was afraid of what the answer might be. Of what it would cost.

Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning. 2 John 1:6

What would it look like if your overarching goal for the day was to… truly love others? And getting the kids to school, making lunch, folding laundry, putting gas in the car, going to the grocery store, helping with homework, or spending time with your husband came second to that?






  First LOVE, then TASKS. First PEOPLE, then THINGS.
  • Wake up in the morning. To sleep a little longer or get up on time? Love one another.
  • Go to the bathroom. To change the toilet paper roll or not… Love one another.
  • Head downstairs to get ready for school. Yell and stress or create calmness? Love one another.
  • Drive to school like a crazy person who is running late or a courteous driver? Love one another.
 This list comprises the first hour or so of my day, and most of the time I manage to choose…incorrectly. My priorities are out of whack, my life is out of focus because I have my sights set on the wrong goal.




Love one another.

Love one another, He whispers.

Can you hear it? If you slow down a little, you just might. 

Shhhh…. 

It's a still, small voice. If you listen closely, you'll hear Him whispering. Love one another. Since the beginning of time, He's been whispering the same thing. This is not a new message but one we have all heard before. 

But we don't listen. Sometimes we're so busy we can't hear it. Other times we drown it out with wants and stuff and more stuff. Or maybe we can't listen because we ourselves haven't received any love, so our jars are empty and we have nothing to give. The God who is love made us in His image, and He will fill us to overflowing if we seek Him first. He has not given us an impossible task; He has given us Himself. 

And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us. 1 John 3:23

I think we make love complicated these days, and that tends to scare off the best of intentions. You can't just bring someone a meal or invite a family over for dinner without the pressure to make it Pinterest-worthy. Or worse, we pass off love as a feeling instead of a conscious choice. Then we can toss it around all we want, as long as we feel like it, and it doesn't require much from us.

We also fall into the trap of making love a means to an end.
  • I'll love them as long as they'll let me fix their "problem."
  • I'll "love them" but make sure they know that Jesus doesn't approve of their lifestyle choices.
  • I'll love them in hopes that they'll change someday.
  • I know I'm commanded to love them, but while my actions say one thing, I'm really judging them in my heart.
  • If I love them, then they will have to do this for me.

Love isn't a show or a feeling or a means to whatever end. We tend to make it messy and complicated, when it's really pretty simple, y'all. It always has been: Believe in the name of Jesus and love one another. If you accomplish nothing else in your entire life, it will have been a resounding success. 




 Simple, yes. Easy?… No. It will cost you. It will hurt. Because by very definition, love is sacrifice. Death to self. Putting others first. True love runs toward when everything in you wants to run away. If you get that feeling where your insides tighten up and you wish you could crawl out of your own skin and you want so badly to run away or explode or plain just reach out and smack someone--that moment is your opportunity to choose. To CHOOSE love. And you won't want to. It will be the last thing on earth you'd like to do.

But that's what love does. It hugs kicking, screaming toddlers. It smiles at the person who sped around you and flicked you off. It's polite to the rude cashier. It's gracious to the elderly woman who's corrected your child for the 5th time when he hasn't really done anything wrong. It's consistent with consequences for that same child, even when it's not convenient. Especially when it's not convenient, or easy, or comfortable. 

How would your life look different if your primary goal, for today, was to truly love others? When you can hear your husband breathing in the dark on the other side of the bed only a couple feet away, but it feels like there's a continent between you. He's tried so hard to reach out and love, and all you've done is pushed him away. And you're going to publish a post about loving others tomorrow. Love reaches out across the ocean, even in the darkness.

Love one another. Not fix, judge, change, condemn, manipulate, use or save them. Just LOVE them. Not to go to the store, make lunch, help with homework, or walk down the street. But to LOVE?

In the answer to that question, my friends, is LIFE.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it. Luke 17:33 NLT


October 30: Dear Ruby


Ruby was the MVP in her class at school this week, so she got to share all about herself. Her little "All About Me Tee" turned out so cute, and her favorite song is "Let It Go," of course. She will also be Elsa for Halloween tomorrow. Elsa's her favorite princess because she loves her dress. She also chose the best "subjects" in school as her favorite, too. :)

Parents get to send in a letter that the teacher reads to them during class, and this is what we sent:


Dear Ruby,

“It’s a girl!” They told us. We were excited it was true.
Five days late, couldn’t wait to finally get to meet you.

Our little girl, a precious jewel, you were so very tiny.
Head held high, big black eyes, open wide and shiny.

Scrawny chicken legs, only six pounds and some change
Though the smallest of our babes, our lives you rearranged.

With two little ones now at home, life was very full.
Needs to meet, tears to dry, and momma felt the pull.

I soaked up all the moments and memories of those days
I loved to watch you grow and be with you always.

Squishy cheeks, the sweetest smile, loved her momma so
Screamed, cried and clawed the help when momma had to go!

That too did pass; you got big and did things on your own
You’d say, “Ruby do by Ruby self,” seeming oh so grown.

Before my eyes a girl appeared who resembled a lot of me
She loves long hair and Starbucks and shopping to a T.

You have the sweetest spirit, the most caring little heart
You love your baby sister, music class, friends and art.

We see you work so hard to please, to do all things well
Please know, no matter what, we’ll always think you’re swell.

There’s nothing you could do or say or even think about
That could make us love you any less, of that there is no doubt.

We’re so very proud of you, our sweet and precious girl.
You’re smart and kind and brave, with a fashionable twirl.

God will do great things through you, this we know for sure.
We are blessed to walk beside you through life’s adventures.

We love you more then words or hugs could ever say,
And we thank God we get to keep you for another day.

Love Mom and Dad




If you remember right around this time last year there was a Dear Clayton post. Time flies.


October 28: She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain


They were cracking up after school today singing, "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain." 

What was so funny, you ask? 

Because it's not reeeeallly that funny of a song… Good point.

But if you change the lyrics to things like, "She'll be glued to the toilet when she comes! SHE'LL BE GLUED TO THE TOILET WHEN SHE COOOOOMMMES!!" And belt it out in your very best hillbilly voice, it's pretty freakin' hysterical. Especially when you're 7 and have an audience.

I may or not have been laughing, too, and contributing my own delinquent verses, like "she'll be pooping on the potty when she comes…" #motheroftheyear

And "the kids be driven' mommy crazy when they home!!! THE KIDS BE DRIVEN MOMMY CRAZY WHEN THEY HOME!!!!"

#citytalk. It gets the best of all of us from time to time. We be all cray cray up in here. ;)



October 24: Grace to Parent One More Day


Today was a gorgeous day to walk around at the Zoo. The leaves sprinkled the paths like confetti with colors of orange, red, yellow, and brown. The shade was quite chilly, but the sun made up for it with it's penetrating warmth. Vultures basked in the golden rays and and zebras swished the last of the buzzing insects away with their tufty tails.

And I was frustrated.

Just mildly. It simmered subtly below the surface, as it seems to many days when the children are home from school.

I wish it wasn't there. Some days I don't even notice it's there until after lunch, but then it rears it's sneaky head when the children refuse to lay down for a nap and cut into "my time." Other days it's present before my feet even hit the floor in the morning, because I can hear little hands getting into the sugar and sprinkles and ice cream downstairs. Frustration is acutely aware that they're not allowed to do that.

Deep down, frustration is there because I'm scared. I'm afraid that even though I tell him 1,000,000 times that "sugar is not breakfast," he will never learn. I'm afraid that I will spend a better part of my lifetime correcting and disciplining and encouraging and teaching and nothing will come of it. That I'll say "stay off of that" and "don't climb on that" and "don't you dare ever jump in there with the lions  again" and they will never really get it.

That I'll just spin my wheels until I'm exhausted and blue in the face. Or until there's blue all over the carpet because the dog stepped in the artwork and tracked his very blue feet step by little furry step all around the house.

And some days I do. Spin my wheels, that is.

I want someone to just tell me that it's worth it. That all the words, all the disciplining, all the painful, agonizing repetition will pay off. Someday. Preferably sooner then later.

That when we go to the zoo, someday, I won't have to tell the children not to jump on this and climb on that and stay away from the wild animals. Especially the ones that could eat them.

But I suppose it's not just them. I'm still figuring it out, too. I'm still doing it wrong, learning from my mistakes, and doing better next time. Sometimes. Although I know that I need grace, I often struggle to extend it to the kids. I feel they should know better by now. I'm sick of telling them. I hate that parenting can seem like a black hole--most days I pour out my everything, only for it to be sucked into a bottomless vortex, never to be seen again.

We didn't fail! We just discovered another way of doing it wrong. Plus, this is the closest I've come to [getting it right].  Annedroid

It would be nice if we were just "transformed" and didn't have to wade through the messy process of failure. But in the living lies the learning, and failure begets wisdom. I guess most of life is about discovering all the ways of doing it wrong, and by God's grace, eventually getting it right.

Once we realize that all we are, all we have, and all we're able to do is by His grace and His grace alone, it becomes much easier to give some of that amazing grace away. Grace to parent one more day.