October 13: Write 31 Days: A Child is Missing and Hope is Found


It was a Sunday morning just like any other, save for the extra snuggles in bed with the tiny, a big breakfast thrown together on the stove, and a much-needed shower that I tried to cram into too little time before church. We arrived later then usual, but I still ushered all the children where they needed to be before too much was missed. 

I sat with my husband in the back, held his hand, and drank my warm mug of coffee. The kid-free hour is refreshing, and I had time to be still and breathe deep the unsung blessings of life.

We stopped home after church to regroup before running back out, and that's when we heard.

A teenage girl had been missing since last Monday when she failed to show up at school.

What?????? 

Why are we just hearing about this now??

We saw her parents just that morning as they left at the end of service, the typical smiles on their faces and baby in their hand. They speak but a few words of English, so politely we nod in response. 

And although the religious persecution may have subsided as they washed up on freedom's shore, the cloud of oppression has far from lifted. It's so easy to take for granted that we live in a familiar land. That labels in the grocery store are decipherable. That directions make sense. That conversations and books and instructions all around us are written in a language we understand.

They went to the police as soon as they realized she was gone, but no one could understand them. 

They didn't have a voice. 

She was their voice, their mouthpiece to the rest of the world, and she was missing. They went back day after day. No one knew how to help them. No one could make sense of their cries. 

No one knew.

We drove past their house every day. We picked up trash on their street. We walked right by, and we had no clue. To love your neighbor is to know your neighbor, and heaven help us, no one knew. 

Sometimes it's not that people aren't trying to speak, aren't crying out for help. Sometimes they just can't. And other times, we just don't listen. 

But on that normal Sunday, a woman took a moment to listen. She was able to understand enough, and she told someone with a voice. The voice told the police and gathered the church to wait and pray. 

Seven days. 

She had been missing for seven days.

A whole world can be created in seven days, but in a world of suffering, seven days is a lifetime.

If they spoke English, if they were white, action would've been taken in those critical first days. My heart ached at that reality, at the suffering of the marginalized. There was no amber alert issued, not a soul aware she had vanished.

I tried to be hopeful as I cried and prayed...

Lord, we know that You know exactly where she is at this very moment in time. We know you have the power to set her free. Please, Father, set her free. Bring her home. Move in the hearts of whomever may have her and bend them to your will. 

She could be out of the state by now. She could be in another country for all we know. I have read things, way too many things. I know what happens to girls who disappear from these streets. What happens the first day to render them helpless and hopeless, what happens every day after that for as long as they are imprisoned in hell.

Lord, we thank you that we are never without hope, because You are the Hope. You are the Resurrection and the Life. We know you can see both the beginning and the end of this right now. Father, wherever she is, comfort her. Give her family peace. Calm their fears. Give the detectives wisdom that she may be found soon, wherever she is. 

I can' t help but imagine the worst right now, and it seems like there's no hope. It's been too long.

But God, you collect every tear. You see. You know. You hear the voice of the voiceless when others cannot.


As I sat on the front porch in the sun, watching the pollen dance by on the summer breeze, that was a hard truth to swallow. Because the evil in the world seems to get away with so much. People, in the very hands of the devil himself, take and destroy so much. I know one day God will dry every tear, redeem all that was lost and more, but when the pain of the present is so raw and fresh...

We are like the flecks of pollen floating by in the sun, here today and gone tomorrow. But why is the journey so arduous for some? Why do some land softly in beauty, producing a crop of new life next season, while others get caught up in webs or stuck in puddles of mud? Why do still others wander away, never to be heard from again? 

Why are my children safe in their mother's arms when others are not?

Amid the questions and wailing, the hope and the doubt, the Lord isn't thwarted by fickle human hearts. He is Lord of all and moves things as He wills to accomplish His purposes on Earth. 

He heard the voice of the voiceless and the cries of the family of the church, and four hours later the girl was found. Alive, safe, and once again in the tearful embrace of her parents. 

God is still in the business of miracles, my friends. Against all odds, facts and statistics, He is still willing and able to do the impossible. 

Though a child may be missing, hope can always be found. 

Though the world be a blanket of darkness, the Light will always prevail.

For "today I saw who God is...."


October 10: Write 31 Days: Productivity


I have many big thoughts, but more on that tomorrow because today I'm tired. We all went to the RENEW the City Cleveland event with Envision today, and although I don't feel like I really did all that much, I'm zonked.

The kids and I picked up garbage along the side streets right by church. I think they were the most excited about the complimentary goggles and gloves. The kids were troopers, coming up to me, the garbage bag holder and fellow collector, with huge armfuls of garbage at a time. Toby was the Master Collector, and he definitely smelled like he had spent a clumsy morning at the pub instead of next to us on the street. Dirty and gross, but he had a great time! 

Everyone was tired, so we probably missed our golden opportunity for a family photo. One child had just been disciplined, another two were protesting the photo, and the baby was behind us, balling. But I smiled, so there's that. They all broke down into tears and hysterics after the photo.

Chaos=1, Family Photo=0

It does make you wonder sometimes about the people who are always posting perfect and polished photos of life, themselves, and their family. Is it that I'm chronically doing something wrong? Or are they less then honest about reality most of the time?

Because my reality is: 

The counter tops are rarely clean; the laundry is almost never folded and put away. 

The floor is hardly ever spotless and the toys are seldom picked up. 

The sheets aren't changed on a schedule and I'm a chronic piler on any surface.

If I take a picture that looks even remotely "perfect," it's because I've shoved the extra crap lying around just enough to the side as to not pick it up in the viewfinder. 

I do like it when the house is clean, when things are picked up and organized, when life works more like a well-oiled machine because I'm on top of things. But more often then not, I find value and place  my time elsewhere. 

I'll cuddle my kids on the couch instead of loading the dishwasher. 

We'll walk down to the park instead of being diligent on laundry day.

I'll spend time with my husband after the kids go to bed instead of finishing the tasks left undone.

I'll quiet my thoughts at nap time and read or write at the expense of productivity.


I guess maybe it boils down to how you define productive... 


October 9: Write 31 Days: Ha, That's Life


Here's a light-hearted post for your Friday...


Conversation #1:

My husband called yesterday as I was on my way to pick up the kids from school, late as usual and slightly discombobulated.

Ring...  Ring...  Ring...  Ring...

Me: {trying to maneuver around a curve while fumbling for the phone and also attempting to drive and hold my mug of iced coffee in hand; answers, pushes speaker phone button, slightly exasperated} ...Hi!!...

Husband: Hi. You're on speaker phone.

Me: Ya, sorry... I'm in the car on the way to get the kids from school. I should be there already, but I'm running late, of course, and I'm trying to drive and hold my cup of coffee, so I didn't have anywhere else to put you except in my bra.

Husband: Um, no... YOU are on speaker phone. I just wanted to let you know.

Me: Bwahahahah.... Well then. There's that.

Now that we have this incredibly awkward introduction out of the way, you were saying, my dear?

BYE FELICIA.


Conversation #2:

Child 1 and Child 2 were having a discussion in the kitchen, and they came to tell us about it.

Child 1: {with smirk on face} Child 2 said "dick."

Daddy: That's not a nice word, so let's not say that again.

Child 2: {with quizzical look} What...does it mean?

Mommy: It's not a very nice word for boys' private parts.

{Child 1 and 2 look at each other and start laughing, along with ew-ing and gross-ing}

Child 2: Well, I didn't know that's what it meant!

Mommy: It's okay, you're fine. But now that you know, that's not a word we should be saying.

Daddy: Well, it's not always a bad word... Sometimes if a man is named Richard, people will call him Dick for short. Like a nickname.

{perplexed and horrified looks exchanged between children. Ya, I know kids, I don't totally understand that one either.}

Child 1: {with wide grin} There's a boy in my class named Richard.

The principal is going to put us on speed dial, I swear. Lawd have mercy...


...and find some time to enjoy the very real, messy life you live this weekend!


October 8: Write 31 Days: Writing About It Is Easy. Living It Is Not.


I started reading this fascinating book the other day that I picked up for $1 at a bargain book sale.

I lugged all the kids with me on a Sunday afternoon because it was the last day of the sale, and I had forgotten to bring any cash when we stopped by the day before. The kids proudly toted their grocery bags filled with chapter books {a new fascination}, mystery books for book reports, early readers, and other childrens' story books. I was already tired, but we decided to stop in the other sale room across the hall anyways.

Since I've plagued myself with the task of writing every day, I was contemplating what to ramble on about that day as I leafed through the first box of books. The kids found this more "adult" room of little interest and resorted to running circles around the tables, climbing on the counter top, and the tiniest one, who hasn't the faintest idea about the concept of purchasing items, was trying to stuff additional books into her pink plastic bag.

Mom, can I get this book, please??????

No, that's a grown-up book and not appropriate for you. {read: The Seven Deadly Sins}

Mom, what about this one??

Aw, that actually looks exactly like the Nancy Drew books I used to read when I was younger! {read: obsessed with crime solving until the 9th grade} Actually, it's old enough that it probably is one of the original books. That's really cool.

So I can get it?

No. I only have $3 left and mommy wants to get something, too.

Ughh.....

And while I was praying they could hold out just a bit longer so I could quickly scan through the remaining boxes, I began to think about how much I really don't like people.

You might be laughing, but it's true. I thought, maybe that's what I should write about: how much I'd rather sit at home and type on my computer instead of hang out in the real world with other humans. Most of the time when I do interact with other people, it doesn't end up being so bad after all. Still, left to my own devices, I'd much rather not.

So there you go. That probably answers a lot of questions you had about me.

At the same time, I know that God's called us to love others and to do it well, sacrificially even. So I decided that was definitely something I should work on in my own heart, and maybe writing about it would, in fact, help. No sooner had that thought left the peculiar space inside my head then I stumbled upon this book:

The Dangerous Act of Loving Your Neighbor: Seeing Others Through the Eyes of Jesus, by Mark Labberton.

My jaw dropped and I gasped, staring down at the book in disbelief.

What exactly are the chances of that?

I thought about putting it back and dealing with it another day. After all, I'd never heard of the guy, so maybe the book wasn't any good? And it flat out says on the inside jacket, "this is not an easy book." Ain't nobody got time for that.

But I couldn't get over the timing. I don't believe in coincidences, after all, so I held onto the book. I found a couple others that looked interesting, though I did try to talk myself out of the book one more time before finally slipping my dollars into the honor system box.

I'm only through the introduction so far, but he had me hooked after the first page. For one thing, he's really smart and doesn't seem to have the need for a dictionary app, unlike myself. Secondly, I'm just soaking up his wisdom regarding the human heart. Why we do the very things we don't want to do.

The premise of his book is this: human hearts form the seedbed from which injustice thrives.
Our hearts don't consciously will injustice. Nor do they deliberately withhold compassion. Nor is it that tales of injustice fail to grab and concern us. Yet our hearts are weak and confused. Our hearts are easily overwhelmed and self-protective. They are prone to be absorbed mostly with the immediacy of our own lives. Our hearts have the capacity to seek justice, but they are usually not calibrated to do so--at least not beyond concern for our inner circle. In a world of such hearts, virulent injustice thrives. Systemic injustice, the absence of the rule of law, and suffering of so many innocents at the hands of oppressors rely on the complicity and distraction of our ordinary hearts. {Mark Labberton}
 Yes, yes, yes.

This is why we need new hearts, which is something only God can do. This is why we need to be transformed as a whole person--born again--not just in parts. Not just problem behaviors. Our whole being is defunct.

Writing about it is one thing, but making the choice to live it, to open ourselves up to God and the change of heart He wants us to experience, is where it gets tricky. And uncomfortable. And hard.

"...but God is seldom instantaneous about doing the most significant things."
He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: 
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” 
Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” {Luke 4:16-21}

It's a journey. It's a lifestyle. It's a desperate calling. 


October 7: Write 31 Days: Life Flows from the Heart


Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding. 
I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching. 
For I too was a son to my father,
still tender, and cherished by my mother. 
Then he taught me, and he said to me,
“Take hold of my words with all your heart;
keep my commands, and you will live. 
Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or turn away from them.
{Proverbs 4:1-5}

It was a gloriously cool, partly cloudy day today, which made the glimpses of sun peeking through the clouds even more enjoyable. We savored the warmth on our skin when we had the chance, gazed upon the beauty of each strand of hair sparkling in golden rays, because it would soon disappear. 

We were the only ones at the park, despite the perfect weather, until a father/son pair strolled into our midst. The boy was younger then my littlest, probably about 18 months old, and the dad himself was on the younger end of the father spectrum. The little boy ran around, as little boys do, and wanted to play with the cars and bikes that my kids had dragged with them today.

I wouldn't have minded a bit, but the dad was always quick to tell the boy that those things didn't belong to him and direct him elsewhere. Soon my kids grew bored of the jungle gym and swings and took off into the grass to collect things that looked like crab apples. They weren't crab apples, though, but round, chartreuse balls that smelled of citrus. There was potentially some kind of nut encased in the outer fleshy shell, but I really don't do plants, so I haven't the faintest clue. 

Just don't eat them, I said.

The little boy wanted to run around in the grass after them, but the dad barked at him to stay on the concrete by the playground. The boy listened, but hesitated at the edge of freedom and watched as the kids loaded up ball after green ball in their shirts and placed their spoils in a pile. They smelled of a refreshingly clean kitchen, although their hands were smeared with dirt. I don't know of a better way to spend a childhood afternoon. 

After a while the dad noticed that the boy didn't quite smell like a summer's breeze himself but rather a like he had a surprise in his pants, and he picked him up on his shoulder. Along with voicing gratitude that mommy had remembered to pack diapers on the way over to his car, he also said, "oh...Mommy's going to owe me big time for this one."

And every fiber in my mother heart began to prickle.

I looked up from the book I was reading and watched him walk away. Did I really just hear that right?

Just in case I wasn't completely sure, he said it again on the way back from the car. "Mommy's really going to owe me for this one!"

Owe you for what, exactly? I wondered to myself. For...changing a diaper? Honey, is that not your child, too? 

Rather then pick a fight with a stranger, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself, but Lawd have mercy, did I have thoughts. 

As if somehow he wasn't complicit in the conception of this child, as if somehow he doesn't bear the same weight of parenthood as the mother, as if somehow it's only her job to change diapers??

But somehow, in his mind, she owes him for taking care of the boy.

And as I sat there in the shade with that knowledge, I began to wonder how that little boy was going to view his mother as he grew up. Would he think that she owed him, too? Would he, in turn, think that the world owes him, as well? And what would he think about his father, or marriage for that matter? Is helping raise a child just merely a service the father performs for the mother, fully expecting reimbursement for all his efforts? Would he ever be able to see marriage as a partnership, a union meant to bring glory to God?

Conversely, how are my attitudes and actions shaping the lives of my own children, in ways I may not even be aware of? That's the terrifying part of being a parent--like it or not, your children will be affected by your baggage, by all the junk in your heart. Because you can't help but exude it. It seeps out through your pores; it comes gushing out, all red and sticky, every time an old scab gets ripped off again. They will learn how to interact with the world under the weight of it, and they will end up carrying it around themselves long after you've passed.

Unless, of course, you make a concerted, intentional effort to deal with your heart.

My son, pay attention to what I say;
turn your ear to my words.
Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart; 
for they are life to those who find them 
and health to one’s whole body. 
Above all else, guard your heart, 
for everything you do flows from it.
{Proverbs 4:20-23}

The heart of man is a dark and mysterious place, and no one can understand it. A lot of us are afraid to even go near it for fear of what we may find. There's more evil lurking inside then we'd ever dare to imagine, but as Tim Keller says, "at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope."

At the end of the day, it's the truth--Christ Himself--that will set us free. He knows the wretched places of our soul, yet He died for us anyway. He knows the evil we will do and see and think in this life, and He chose us anyway. 

He does not call you by your deeds, your thoughts or your fears, but by your Name. You are His Beloved.

All of us as parents, for our sake and the sake of the generations that come after us, have to be willing to take a good, long, hard look at what's inside our hearts and deal with it. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, Christ is in the thick of it with us. He longs to see us be free, but first we need to accept the truth--the truth about Him, and the truth about ourselves. 

This is not by any means an easy road, friends, but what have we learned so far about the value in doing hard things??? 

We must {wo}man up and start somewhere, because our very life depends on it. In order live a Life that is Truly Life, you must guard your heart, because everything you do flows from it.

Everything.

Again with the hard words in the Bible. No asterisk. No footnote. No exclusions.

As we guard our hearts, as we protect and watch over them, as we keep them safe from the Evil One, as we give them time and allow them to heal, so are we also protecting our children. We prevent the seeds of destruction that may have taken root in our own hearts from reproducing in our children and their children after that. We weed out the thorns that have squelched the new life waiting to bloom inside, giving it room to grow and flourish in time.

New life that needs Truth and Light and Love to thrive.




Quote from the collage:
The outward work will never be puny if the inward work is great. And the outward work can never be great or even good if the inward work is puny or of little worth. The inward work invariably includes in itself all breadth, all expansiveness, all length, all depth. Such a work receives and draws all its being from nowhere else except from and in the heart of God. {Meister Eckhart}